No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
