dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
