IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
