who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
