IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize