i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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