i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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