just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
