and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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