I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She's the barista slut.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
