They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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