whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
