Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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