Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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