I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
