Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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