just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
