I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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