people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
