God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
