So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
