The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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