I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
