nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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