I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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