At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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