If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
