I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
