Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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