I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
