I'm drive I can fine osifer
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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