My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
