I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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