So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
