there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
