Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
