i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
