Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
