i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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