she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
