K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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