he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I touched a dick in church today
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
