some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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