Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
