We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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