Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It's Friday. Sex?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
