Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
