Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
