I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
