9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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