It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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