Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
