I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am naked and annoyed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
