I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
