Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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