I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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