I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
