I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
