Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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