He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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