My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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