I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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