the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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