I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
