I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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