it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
