You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I checked into jail on foursquare
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
