somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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