There is no way he is gay with that hair.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
