idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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