Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
