I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
