2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
even my farts smell like vagina
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
