just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
